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Living With My Questions

There were so many questions that needed answering when we first moved to Port-au-Prince. Where do we live? What do we eat? Where should my children go to school? With help from veteran missionaries, answers to the above questions came quickly.

Others took more thought: Should we employ house help, and if so, what should they do and what do I pay them? Should we focus on learning French or Creole? Should we go to a local or expatriate church? Given a little time, these questions too have been resolved.

Haiti PovertyIt is the continuing questions that haunt me. As a missionary wife, how much time and energy can I expend on ministry outside of my home before my family suffers? How can I make even a small dent in the poverty around us? How do I cross cultural and economic barriers to share the love of Jesus?

I am a goal-oriented person and so I want answers to these questions. Yesterday. I want an action plan, with specific goals and measurable results… on my timeline. But that isn’t how God is working in my life here. Instead, as I was wrestling with all of this recently, the Lord gave me this quote (from two different sources within 24 hours):

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves… Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them… Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

Father, I give my questioning heart to you. I can’t always see the big picture, but you can. Help me to wait upon you with patience, to listen to your voice with discernment. Open my eyes to the opportunities to serve you today, even if I won’t immediately see the results. Amen.


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